My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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