I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
