No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
