This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
