I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
