Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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