Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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