I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
