dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
