I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you win again, gameday.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
