guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
