meet me or not, i'm out of control
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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