Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
