why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
