Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
