I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
