I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
