1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
