watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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