Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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