i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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