batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need to stop coming to work sober
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
