Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
