sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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