i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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