.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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