So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
