ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
