i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
