I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
