I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
