He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
