Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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