There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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