It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
