We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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