Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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