Cold hands, warm shart.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
