Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
