End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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