i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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