it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
