i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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