Me too!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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