I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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