I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
