Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
