I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
