So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
