i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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