Your dad touched me again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am naked and annoyed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
