Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
