you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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